


Cardassian Flirting

by ProxiCentauri



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Cardassian flirting, M/M, theyre just gay and thats all there is to this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27782512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProxiCentauri/pseuds/ProxiCentauri
Summary: Julian and Garak have been meeting up and arguing over lunch for a while now, and it seems that the rest of the station has picked up on that, especially when Quark has spread that information around for a betting pool. When that leads to Julian figuring out just how Cardassians flirt, he decides to test it out for himself.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	Cardassian Flirting

**Author's Note:**

> Found this self-indulgent fic on the notes app of my phone. I wrote it years ago on my phone in a hotel room for some reason. I finished it, fixed it up, and now here it is. Never stop believing.

"A pleasure as always, Doctor," Garak said, rising from his chair, tray in hand. He gave Julian a pleasant, parting smile before looking just over his head. "And Commander you'll have to excuse my rudeness, but I really must be going. Urgent tailor business." He nodded in her direction and swung away.

Julian whipped around in his chair in time to see Jadzia nod back, quickly replacing Garak in the chair across from him. She set down her mug and flashed Julian a warm, greeting smile. "Have a nice lunch?" She asked, offering up to start a conversation.

"Uh... yes. The Bajoran Hasperat and Kava Juice came out well today," Julian said.

"Well it looks like it. You've already finished your entire plate,” Jadzia said. Julian agreed and motioned towards her mug with raised eyebrows. "Oh! No, I already ate. This is all I'm having. I could use a little Raktajino break."

She sipped her drink and the two fell into silence. When she looked back up she wore a telling, sly smile on her face. She was after something. Last time Julian saw that face he ended up spilling everything about Kukalaka.

"You seem to be enjoying those lunch dates of yours," she said. She casually played with the handle of her mug as she spoke, playing off the question as simple curiosity, but the eagerness in her eyes as she peered up to gauge his answer gave away her intentions.

"I do," Julian said, playing along. "Garak's an interesting fellow."

Jadzia hummed her agreement. "Interesting is one way to put it."

When Julian didn't bite she cast out a different line. "Hasn't he also joined you in the holosuites once or twice as well?"

"Yes, actually. You'd be surprised what a lousy spy he makes." Julian grinned thinking about it. It frustrated Garak to no end seeing the ways spies conducted themselves in the program. He must have enjoyed some of it, though, because he kept joining in whenever Julian had a session.

"You two must be seeing a lot more of each other then."

"A little more," he admitted.

"Must be developing quite a relationship with him."

Julian sighed and met Jadzia’s eyes. "Jadzia," he said, calling the facade to a close.

“Okay okay, you got me” Jadzia said, surrendering and collapsing into her curiosity. “Ohh, it’s just that everyone’s curious. And you know how fast these things spread once Quark gets ahold of them. And it’s been going on for a while now--”

Julian nearly choked on his drink. “Hold on hold on,” he coughed out. “Quark?” He groaned, throwing his head back. “Not him. Please just tell me he doesn’t have any betting pools.”

Jadzia gave an apologetic smile.

“Of course. Well at least tell me you didn’t bet in any of them.”

The smile grew more bashful. “Jadzia!”

Jadzia learned across the table, squeezing Julian’s arm emphatically. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it! And you two really do make a cute couple.”

“I really don’t see how that’s any of Quark’s business,” Julian muttered and quickly brought his cup up for another gulp. “Well--” he grabbed his tray and rose. “It looks like Quark and I need to have a little conversation about privacy."

“You know he’s not gonna give up those pools without a fight.”

“I’ll think of something.” Julian stopped and turned over his shoulder. “Oh, and you should take your money out now. I’m not giving you anymore inside tips.”

Jadzia only laughed and held up her mug in surrender.

* * *

That night Julian strode into Quark’s bar, marching straight to the counter where Quark was mixing drinks. "Julian!" Miles called from a nearby chair. "Join me for a glass. I’ve already got you one," he said, heaving up his mug as an invitation.

Julian flashed him an apologetic frown. "In a second, Chief." He pointedly turned his head toward Quark saying, "First I've got some business to clear up here."

Julian sidestepped until he was directly in front of Quark, squaring his shoulders and spreading out his arms in front of him, palms pressing on the counter. Quark looked up, offering him a smile filled with years of practiced charm. "And what can I do for the good Doctor?" he asked, voice friendly. "Another synthale like your buddy there? Or perhaps you'd like something a little more adventurous." He wagged his finger. "Oh I have just the thing!" He ducked down, the clank of glass could be heard, and he popped back up with a frosty, purple bottle as his prize. "A cocktail from Breen," he explained, uncorking the bottle. "Meant to be drunk ice cold. Just got a shipment in today. You'll be the first to try it. What do you say?" He pulled out a glass, poised to pour before Julian could even answer.

"Quark," Julian sharply interrupted. "I'm not here to order a drink. I'm here to put a stop to..." He stopped, glanced around at the packed bar, then leaned in closer, Quark mirroring his action. "I'm here to put a stop to those betting pools you have about me and Garak."

Quark sprung back as if burned. "Why Doctor I'm surprised at you! An honest businessman such as myself would never use someone else's personal business for financial gain." He squarely straightened his jacket, putting on the air of a dignified businessman, disheveled by the mere accusation.

"I'm not here to play games. If these pools don't close _tonight_ I'll have Odo in here."

Quark grinned, flashing his sharpened teeth. "I happen to know that there's no law against betting pools." He threw his palms up. "Not that I have one, but if I did, it'd all be perfectly legal."

"Maybe," Julian countered, "but this isn't." He snatched up the icy, purple bottle. "Known to contain trace amounts of a highly addictive drug and _banned_ on most planets, vessels, and space stations, including," he stepped back, bouncing on his feet as he gestured around, "this one." Julian shot back a grin that sent Quark backpedalling. Quark ran through the usual lines of denial. Claiming total ignorance, being deceived by his supplier, somehow blaming his brother Rom-- the excuses came rolling in with sad predictability. Julian only waved it all away. "Just get rid of it, Quark. Don't let me see it in here again." He put his hand on the counter and leaned forward. "And close those betting pools."

"Alright fine," Quark said. "I'll get rid of the cocktail." Julian gave him a look. "And close those pools. But just so you know you'll be disappointing a lot of people!"

Julian shot him a sarcastic smile. "I'll live." He wiggled the bottle still in his hand. “Oh, and I’ll get you started by confiscating this one.”

Julian stepped back and took his seat next to Miles with a sigh, nodding his thanks as Miles slid him a mug. Miles leaned closer, eyebrows scrunched in concern. "What was all that about?" He nodded towards Quark.

Julian shook his head, blowing another exasperated sigh out his mouth. "Ah, that. Seems Quark had a little betting ring going about me."

Miles scoffed into his drink. "'M not surprised. What was it about?"

Julian's face flushed, and he quickly drank from his mug to conceal it. "Ah... well, Jadzia is the one who told me about it. Apparently some people have been betting on the relationship between me and Garak." Julian flicked his eyes back to Miles for just a second before filling his mouth with synthale again to discourage any questions. Of course, it didn't work. 

" _You and Garak?_ " Miles said incredulously and barked a laugh. "Quark must be losing his touch if he thought he was going to make any latinum." And an unexpected urge to argue the point rose in Julian, but he swallowed it with another swig of synthale. He was going through his mug much too quickly at this rate. But Miles didn’t notice it. He was laughing derisively to himself now. "Ridiculous. He'll chase after any rumor." He paused and furrowed his brow in thought. "Though I can see why he'd get that idea from Garak."  
  
Julian's eyes turned up at that. "What do you mean?" he asked with more enthusiasm than he intended.  
  
"Well it's just that you two always seem to argue." Julian nodded, there was no denying that. He thought of them as more of debates rather than arguments. Neither went in it with hostility. 

"Well, when those other Cardassians were here, the ones that tried to establish communication between either side of the worm hole..."  
  
"The ones that were here when the comet came, yes. Ulani Belor and Gilora Rejal.”  
  
"Right. We didn’t get along at first. ‘Course it worked out in the end, but when they were here one of them thought I was _interested_ in her. She said that arguing was actually some form of Cardassian flirting," Miles said, emphasizing the last two words with a laugh and shake of his head. 

“By arguing?”

“Honest. That’s how they flirt. Fighting. Imagine that.”

Well, if that was true… Julian froze. They did talk every week. Or debated-- okay _argued_ really. And the first time Garak barged in on him in the holosuite, well, the whole thing was a disaster between them. Julian had thought it was a disaster, anyway. You can’t escalate much further than shooting someone, hologram bullet or not. But the way Garak would always prod and lie and provoke. How much of that was just Garak and how much of that was more… intentional? If even Miles was picking up on it then it must be obvious. Obvious to everyone on the station except for him, it seems.

Speaking of Miles, he was currently waving a hand in front of Julian’s face. “Hey, you okay?”

Julian blinked, realizing he had his mug half raised, staring over Miles’ head. “Yeah, sorry. Just thinking...” Julian took a long drink. “But I’m fine.” He paused. “You really think we argue that much?”

“Everytime I see you two together.”

Julian’s eye must have gone wide because Miles gave him a comradely slap on the back. "Don't worry, I know how you feel," Miles said, though Julian doubted he did. “Don’t feel too bad about it. Quark will go for any rumor. I know it’s nothing.”

“Right...” Julian lifted his mug to his lips again. Oh, empty already. “You know, I think I need another.”

* * *

It wasn’t until next week that Julian saw Garak again. He waited, slouched over his tray and twiddling his food around with his fork. When Garak finally sat down across from him he nearly jumped as high as the first time they met.

“Ah, Doctor.” Garak slid into his seat as smoothly as ever, seemingly unaware of Julian’s wide-eyed look of surprise. “What a surprise this is, though, not an unpleasant one. Usually it’s me waiting for you to arrive. I hope I’m not that late.”

“No no. Just a slow day in the infirmary.” Julian sat up straighter, gearing up for battle now that he was no longer caught off guard. “I read that play.”

“Oh excellent! I didn’t think you’d be done so soon. Such enthusiasm.” Garak took a bite. “So, tell me, Doctor. Was this enthusiasm because you enjoyed this one?”

“Actually, I thought it was rather dull.” He looked at Garak. “...All around.”

“Dull?” Garak scoffed. “Come now, Doctor, you couldn’t possibly think The Bond is dull. This one’s not even Cardassian!”

“It might as well have been.” Julian was gaining traction now. “I felt like I was reading The Never Ending Sacrifice all over again!”

Garak completely set his utensils down now, shaking his head. “And you still don’t appreciate the beauty of that one. But I assure you this play is nothing like the Never Ending Sacrifice. It is far less subtle.”

“Exactly. Reading the same story play out over and over again wasn’t subtle to begin with. The Bond just spells it out for you. By that standard the Never Ending Sacrifice _is_ good.” 

Garak laughed in disbelief. “Oh really, Doctor? Then why don’t you share exactly what you found so _boring_ about this play?”

“Well, the son--” And Garak was already scoffing. “He had no motivation of his own. Always doing what he was ‘supposed’ to do.”

“And that is the _point_.”

“It just isn’t compelling!”

“Well, maybe not to you.” Garak flicked his hand, shooing Julian’s opinion back. “Due to your attachment to human morals, I’m sure.”

“Well I am human. I can’t just condone what he did, no matter the reasons!”

“But to some the furtherment of their family-- of their home-- takes priority over all else.” By now Garak’s lunch had been entirely forgotten, cooling as he pushed it out of the way to lean in even closer. “You may not agree with his methods, but everything he did was for this family.” He slapped a palm on the table to emphasize his point. “ _Surely_ , Doctor, that you can understand.”

A tentative, triumphant smile came to Julian’s face as Garak got more and more agitated. He pushed the point even further. “Family is just not worth that sort of sacrifice!” 

Then came a moment’s pause as Garak’s eyes flicked down to Julian's grin and back again. And as instantaneously as flipping a light switch, his previous demeanor was switched off. Relaxing back into his chair, he slipped into a pleasant, placating smile that smoothed away any passion. “You may have a point. Perhaps not every family is.”

Julian faltered at the unexpected shift. “And for nothing,” he said, doubling down. “The son’s death was completely without purpose!”

“Yes, it certainly didn’t have the same satisfaction of the Never Ending Sacrifice, did it?”

“It was downright fruitless, not noble.”

“Ah, correct again! All that toiling only to end in death.”

Julian huffed and drummed his fork on his plate, thinking. “Of course you must have sided with the father.”

“Ah,” Garak said, holding his ground with his luke-warm response. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, he was the model citizen. Even more so than the son. It was his _only_ trait as a character.” Julian said, trying to add some bite to that last line. 

Garak picked up his fork, now chewing thoughtfully on his lunch. “You are right about that one,” he said after a pause. “His devotion was his whole life.”

With a defeated huff, Julian leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and chewing his lip. Under the table his foot bounced, working as quickly and uselessly as his thoughts as he grasped for another angle to take. “

“Doctor, I do hope I didn’t offend you with that one,” Garak said, voice as fakely sweet as corn syrup. 

“No,” Julian said, waving Garak away grumpily. “It’s not that.”

“Clearly something’s wrong. And it doesn’t do to eat when you’re so worked up.” And, almost flaunting his detachment, Garak took a bite of his own food.

“No no, nothing’s wrong. It was just--” Julian glanced at Garak who blinked innocently. “You’re just so agreeable today!” Julian blurted out.

Garak chuckled, a polite, mild laugh. “Come now. I like to think I’m agreeable everyday. Surely you’ve been enjoying our weekly lunches.”

Julian clicked his tongue. “That’s not what I mean.” Garak raised his eyebrows and nodded, prodding him to go on. “Well it’s just… The other day Miles told me something,” Julian said, sitting up. “Something about the Cardassians who he helped establish communication through the wormhole. Apparently while they were working together they kept arguing.”

“Yes, I can understand that one,” Garak said, nodding in sympathy to the Cardassians. “It would be a difficult partnership.”

“But that’s the thing! It wasn’t actually fighting. It was flirting!”

“You don’t say!” Garak reeled back in feigned surprise.

“They told him arguing was actually a way of flirting on Cardassia. And then last week Miles told me. So--” Julian trailed off, clearing his throat.

“So you thought you’d test that with me,” Garak supplied. 

Julian’s mouth hung open, partly shocked, mostly indignant. “You knew?”

“Oh of course I did. You were flirting with all the subtlety of a thirteen year old.” Julian scoffed. “It’s true. There are rules-- intricacies. You can’t simply pick a disagreement if there’s no conviction behind it. Really, Julian. It’s like you’ve learned nothing.”

“Well, I’d like to see you do half as well with human flirting.”

Garak motioned, palms up, over the table between them. “Have you forgotten our lunches?”

“Hah!” Julian barked triumphantly, punctuating it by stabbing his fork into his food. “You,” he said, waggling his fork at Garak-- “are just as bad as I am. No. These lunches are not romantic.”

“Oh, come now.”

“I mean it. This is not a date.”

“Then tell me, Doctor, what _is_?”

“Oh, I don’t know. A scenic walk in the holosuite. A movie. Dinner at a real restaurant. Something intimate and private. Something you share with only each other, where you get to know each other.”

“That is exactly what we’re doing.”

“You hardly tell me anything about yourself!”

“Everything you need to know--”

“Yes yes, is in your cryptic lies and half-truths. I know.”

“Fine,” Garak said, flicking his napkin from his lap and dropping it onto his tray as he rose. “Have it your way. Tonight then, 8 pm at Chez Zimmerman?”

“Well if you would just-- It’s not--” Julian caught himself, tripped and stumbled out a few more words, then landed on a dumbfounded, “What?”

“A date,” Garak said as the same-old satisfied smile came to his face. “As you so insisted.”

“I wasn’t _insisting_ ,” Julian muttered. “...Are you serious?”

“Have you ever known me as one to joke?”

“No, but I’ve known you as one to lie and deceive and manipulate and--”

“Doctor, Doctor, please. Let’s not complicate this, shall we? This is just a plain, simple, human date.”

“As much as you are just a plain, simple, tailor?”

Garak’s lips curled into a smile. “Ah, now you’ve got it.” He picked up his tray, angling to leave. “So? Will I see you there?”

A matching smile came to Julian’s face. “Yes, you will.”

* * *

Jadzia slid into her seat in the replimat, Raktajino in hand and jubilance on her face. She managed to stifle her excitement for one sip, smiling over the top of her mug, but only just. “So!” She snapped her mug down, unable to contain the questions any longer. “How did it go? How was he?”

“Ah ah,” Garak said, leaning back in his chair across from Jadzia. “If I’ve learned one thing from those asinine-- and frankly inaccurate-- spy programs of Julian’s, it’s that a spy never kisses and tells.”

Jadzia pouted. “Well that’s no fun.” Drumming her fingers on her mug she thought, then peaked up at Garak through her eyelashes. “Did he wear that suit?”

“Shamelessly!”

The two leaned in together in shared laughter.

“I take it you won?” Garak asked.

“Yup.” Reaching back, Jadzia fished around in her pocket, slapping a heavy stack of Latinum down with a clang. “Your share.”

Garak waved her offer away politely. “Oh, no. I couldn’t. Frankly, it was about time anyway.”

“I _know_.”

“From the looks of that latinum it looks like the whole station knew. I wonder who started that.”

Jadzia only sipped her Raktajino, raising her eyebrows innocently.

“Well,” Garak said, tapping the table as he stood. “It is about time for me to be leaving anyway.”

“Seeing Julian?”

“No no. I still have a tailoring business to run, you know.” Garak paused as he was leaving and said over his shoulder. “That isn’t until tonight.”

  
  



End file.
